Wednesday, July 29, 2015

On this side: a post about Infertility

This post is a few weeks in the making.....

Kirk and I were married in December 2005. In 2009 we decided to make our family bigger and we had a healthy boy in November of that same year. Then in 2012 we had a beautiful baby girl. These children came to us so effortlessly that at the end 2013 when we decided we would like to have another child we thought it would happen the same way: quick, effortlessly, and basically perfect. Yet here we are mid 2015 without a new little one.  I have had a lot of thoughts about it lately as we have started with the doctor visits and the tests…


Now that I'm on this side
I've realized it's so much harder than you could ever guess
It causes pain of all kinds
You start to blame yourself, and ask what is wrong with me?
It is an emotional and mental battle one that you lose almost every month.
When I was on the other side
I use to say things like “Don't worry your time will come” or “Just be patient.”

Have you said this?

You might even think you are helping by saying “kids are a lot of work” or “you can do anything you guys want, any time you want to.”

Stop.
I hope you never have to understand the hope we feel every month or the devastation when the test is negative.
Or that you will never understand the longing or the feeling that something is missing, and that you are trying everything you can and still…nothing
I had no idea back on that side.
 But now that I'm on this side I know and I would do things differently.
 Say things like you are praying for them or that our Savior understands, and that the Atonement is there for them.
Listen and keep listening even when you've heard enough.
Don’t judge us when we hear that someone is pregnant and we probably cry, and need some time to ourselves.
It hurts.
But, don’t assume that we aren’t happy for them, we are extremely excited and happy for them Just sad that we can’t be pregnant too.
Never assume that if you get pregnant we will be mad, or won’t be happy for you.
Don’t skirt around the topic, just think about what you say before you do.
Don't say “at least you have kids already.”
Sometimes that makes it harder, because we know what we are missing.
 Be patient with us as we question.
Now that I'm on this side I am different
I understand the Heartache, the unspoken words, every morning waking up hoping that today something will be different.
It is an emotional Roller Coaster this thing called infertility.
I hope and pray that you never have to be on this side.

But if you are on this side….



Remember you are not alone.




**Disclaimer: Please don’t take offense these are just my thoughts and my opinions**

4 comments:

Emily Albrecht said...

Aww. This makes me kind of sad and also woke me up. I have probably been guilty of saying some of the things that may hurt. I pray for you guys. Keep the faith. Love you lots!

Ma and Pa Ellertson said...

Very well said as one who has been on both sides.

Bryan and Dayna said...

Your thoughts are my thoughts and experiences right now. Thank you for sharing.

Mel McDonald said...

"At least you have kids already." Is that from our conversation the other day?! I am SOOO sorry. My heart hurts with you, and you are in my prayers:) I love you and you are great!